Keeping things equal

As a parent, I sometimes struggle with keeping things equal.  Samantha is three years older than Meredith and more to the issue, she is able to do  and to appreciate things more than Meredith.  For example, Samantha has turned into my movie buddy.  She is likes going to movies (as do I) and we go from time to time.  I have yet to take Meredith to a movie (but that will change soon).

So, every year some good friends of mine run an annual Great American College Road Trip (GACRT).  They have been doing this, wow, I think for almost 15 years now. They are mainly Iowa fans, so usually Iowa is involved.  They go to a different college football stadium every year.  Well, this year, GACRT is heading to Pittsburgh and the game is on Saturday, September 20.  I also found out that the Pirates are home  that weekend and have a night game on Friday.

Now, I have not been to the new Pirates stadium or to Pitts' football stadium (editor note:  I didn't know they play at Heinz field.  I have been there!) so I think it would be a great time.  Also, it is early enough in the fall that the weather should be ok (i.e. not too cold).  I enjoy the city of Pittsburgh as well so this trip is really a no brainer.

Here is the where I am struggling.  I am thinking about taking Samantha with me.  The flight times are good (and not expensive).  I think she would love the weekend away.  She will definitely enjoy the sporting events.  The biggest thing holding me back is guilt.  It is guilt that I am creating myself.  I am well aware of this but I do not want to hurt Meredith's feeling or make her feel like I don't love her as much as I do Samantha.  I know she is only 2.5 years old and will not remember any of this.  I get that.  I really do.

I have talked to Michelle about this and she said that she would plan a fun/special weekend with Meredith if I decide to go to this and take Samantha.  That makes me feel better but I still can not shake the feeling that by taking Samantha to this, I am being a bad father to Meredith.

Anyway, please leave any and all comments on what you think I should do.  I promise I am not crazy.  This is really how my mind works!  Hahaha.

Happy Tuesday?  Is it really Tuesday?  Yep, it is.  For listening to my little rant, here are a few pictures from Father's Day where we were being silly with my phone.

Sisters

We just got back from a week long vacation in New Buffalo, Michigan where there were four kids running around.  We have done this vacation three years in a row now and it is enjoyable to see how these four are growing up together and playing together.  

(Note: I took this picture because they were all watching the old school Transformers cartoon.  One of my favorites of all time!)

On a more intimate level, as Meredith is approaching 2.5 years old and Samantha is quickly approaching 5.5 years old, Michelle and I are both loving watching these girls become true sisters.  It really does bring me great joy and love to see it.  Michelle had to make an overnight trip to NYC yesterday so I decided to take the girls out to dinner.  Big Bricks is about 50 yards from our garage and has an amazing outside area.  The girls decided to sit on one side of the bench and I got the other.  I took this picture and watched them interact.

Now, please do not get me wrong.  They did not sit long.  Meredith ended up sitting next to me while she ate and they were doing their own thing as well.  However, their bond is getting stronger with each day.

Of course, it is not all roses and butterflies. They know exactly how to hit each other buttons and can drive each other up a wall.  "I need space!" is a common quote in our house.  However, the good is far more than the bad.

I also like to watch how their unique spirits blend together as sisters. Samantha has become a good big sister.  She definitely looks out for her sister, helps her, and includes her in fun.  She is patient with Meredith and willing to give up toys/pens/ipads for her younger sister.  She understands that she is a younger and needs a little more help.  Her compassion and empathy shines for Meredith.

Meredith might rank Samantha #1 in our family when it comes to importance.  She enjoys thinking she is as old as her and can do whatever Samantha can do.  As much as she follows Samantha, she is not afraid to voice her opinion and stand up for herself.  We have learned never to doubt what she can do.

Now that Meredith is able to get out of her bed by herself (the front wall of the crib is gone), one of my favorite moments of the days is when they both walk into our bedroom together after waking up.  It does not happen every day but it happens sometimes.  When it happens, they walk in together holding some lovies and crawl into our bed.  This morning I heard them gathering lovies and laughing before walking into our room.  It was a great way to start the day.

After moving into our new place last year, I was struggling emotionally on many levels.  Over the last year, with the help of therapy, I have been working on being more loving, more compassionate, more empathetic, more loving person to myself, among other things.  It is a slow, sometimes confusing, difficult but very important journey.  

From all of this, I have been able to appreciate moments, be more present, be more in the now.  I am proud of the home that we have created and I could not be more proud of these two girls, our family and their ever flowing relationship as sisters.  I am so happy you have each other.